His presence was so fleeting, and so seemingly insignificant. We hardly know how to mourn for someone whose very existence was sometimes hard for us to believe. We go about our daily life as though he had only been a dream. Then the overwhelming reality of his loss impacts us almost physically, and we cling to each other in a flood of tears.
The truth is that he changed us forever. I will never be the same person, and neither will Andrew. When Andrew's father died around this time last year, we felt suddenly older. Once again we are thrust further into adulthood, and the water is so much deeper than we expected.
We love, and love and love our dear one, and cannot stop loving him, although in many ways we hardly knew him, and we never will. I feel as though our capacity to love has expanded into a space that we never knew existed, and we are groping our way through it. And in some way, I think we are gaining a different kind of strength than we ever had. Yet we feel so fragile and helpless.
The strange, elusive boundary between death and life confounds us. We don't know where life begins or ends, so we can only trust. We trust in the author of life.
O LORD, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty;
Nor do I involve myself in great matters,
Or in things too difficult for me.
Surely I have composed and quieted my soul;
Like a weaned child rests against his mother,
My soul is like a weaned child within me.
-Psalm 131:1-2
Posted by Irene
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2 comments:
Oh sweet friend. I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. I know people don't talk about this type of thing much. They tend to just keep it to themselves. But, we have lost 2 sweet babies. And have been blessed with 2. In sharing our losses, we learned of so many friends who had been through the same thing. Praying that God holds you in the waiting, and blesses you with the desires of your heart. Love you so much!
It was good to see you today, thanks for sharing memories of your little one with us. I really appreciated you blog entry, it is very well written. I have a hard time with words sometimes, you put words to the loss so well.
God Bless!
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